How to build your self-confidence

Throughout my life I was told a bunch of things about my looks.  From beautiful all the way down to ugly, and not to mention the occasional ‘you look manly’ comments.  Like most people, I focused on the negative comments and discarded the positive.  So I was constantly feeling bogged down with negativity and soon I would look in the mirror and see what others saw; an ugly mannish woman.  As I grow into my skin and start to get to know myself; the more that I understand why I had/have self-esteem issues.  So, I chose to make a change and that’s the first step.

Decide for yourself that you want to make a change.

Look at yourself in the mirror and be as honest, raw, and unfiltered as possible say the most negative things you’ve heard or said about yourself.

My top 10 negative things that I’ve heard or said about myself 

  • You’re fucking ugly
  • Stupid black bitch
  • You have a mustache and its gross
  • Your eyes are too close together
  • Your forehead is ENORMOUS you can’t take pictures with that thing
  • You’re a piece of shit
  • You’re not good enough for anyone
  • You’re a fat fuck
  • Your face is too fat
  • You look like a man or FUCKING MALE!

Take time and really think about every comment and ask yourself,  “Do I honestly feel that way about myself?” the answer for most of those comments will be yes, because you have already beat it into your brain that those comments are true and now that’s what you see.  You have to be the deciding factor and tell yourself that you will change your mindset to something more positive.  You are your worst enemy.  Nothing that anyone says can have a negative effect on you; only if you let it will it.  Make the decision that you can’t let other people get to you in a negative way.

Telling yourself and others ‘NO’

We all do this; we’re getting ready to go out and we’re in the mirror and that slick comment comes in your mind like, ” Goodness I hate my nose”.  That one quick unnoticeable comment has an effect on your self-esteem.  You have to make an effort to stop those thoughts before they happen or even as they happen.  As soon as that thought pops up say NO and choose to say something positive instead.

If someone says something negative about you, tell yourself NO to accepting that negative comment.  Choose to ignore and let those negative comments go from your mind.  Learn to clear your mind of negativity and let the beauty run rapid.  I know that some of those comments are fucked up but you have to let it go or else it will haunt you.  Focus your mind on positive things.  You are only as beautiful as you choose to be.  Don’t give up on yourself building confidence is a journey but its worth the wait.

Learn to love your body

When you get out the shower look at yourself.  Learn to appreciate the naked body you have; the body without make-up or other removable enhancements.  Don’t pick out the things that look ‘weird’ or the things you don’t like but really look at the beautiful curves, folds, spots, dimples, stretch marks, wrinkles, freckles, all the different colors of your skin and know that your body is the only one you get.  That’s it.  You can change it and add breasts, suck out fat, add a booty; but that’s it.  We see all these celebrities and socialites with these great bodies and we forget to love our own.  Love yourselves first before you put these celebs on a pedestal.  Trust me as soon as you start to truly look at yourself and say yes you are beautiful the more you’ll start to realize that those same celebs bodies can’t compare to yours.  Simply because, there is no comparison.  No one person is the same and that fact alone should propel you to appreciate you even more.  Smile at your naked self and believe in your heart that you are as you are, that is beautiful.  Jump and shake feel that jiggle; let go of all of your insecurities; laugh and love every bit of you!

Challenge yourself to be comfortable alone, you don’t need confirmation from others to know you’re beauty or your worth.  Show yourself the attention you seek.  

-Alyssa Naomi

Don’t let people treat you like shit!  Your worth is determined by what you allow.




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